Nostalgia

I'm very lucky to have a box of very old photographs to help personalise my exploration of my family tree. Some even have names written in beautiful script on the back of them to help identify the subjects; "Uncle Harry" for example, who was the youngest son of my great, great grandparents and my Gran's uncle. It makes it all the more poignant and real when the subjects of these pictures reached an early demise. Uncle Harry and his brother, my Great Grandfather, were both among the many casualties of WWI...

Similarly it's very special to have some pictures of my Grandma and her sisters when they were young and beautiful and the world was a much less complicated place.

Another amazing thing to have (loaned from my mother while I scan and transcribe them) is the letters my Grandfather wrote to my Grandmother when he was away in the airforce. They married in 1944 and the tender, romantic, adoring tone of these letters is so very touching. Add to this the fact that she kept the letters to her dying day, 29 years as his wife and 33 years as his widow, and the are very emotive reading. I know that she never forgot him and that he was always in her thoughts even when she became very old and very frail and confused about everything else she was always constant in her love for her beloved Jimmy.

I am not a believer in life after death, certainly not in the traditional "heaven and hell" sense. However I like to think that, with time and space being the tangled mess of knots that they are thought of most often these days, somewhere Marj & Jimmy will always be young & together and in love. That sort of thing never ends.

Silence is golden

Because nobody likes a whiney complainer and you don't want to read about my everyday woes do you.

I've been signed off from work since the beginning of March following a minor knee injury that caused an underlying connective tissue disorder (Hypermobility Syndrome, now likely to turn out to be Ehlers Danlos Syndrome due to my other symptoms)to flare up big time. No it hasn't been fun. Yes it hurts a lot. No I'm not better. There, I think that's succinct enough.

However there have been a lot of positives in my life too & that's what I want to write about so I don't forget!!

Lyra has been thriving at school and had a glowing school report. She is friendly, kind, funny, clever & hard working. I'm so proud of her. Her reading & writing are amazing, her pictures are beautiful, she is already on year 1 reading books and was having extra ballet lessons because her teacher didn't want her to miss out on the extra syllabus the older girls were doing. On top of this she has loads of friends and is so kind and thoughtful other mums have commented on it to me. *glowing with pride & love here*

Logan is becoming a proper big boy. No nappies ever now! He had finally taken an interest in sitting down & concentrating on puzzles or drawings & did two age 4+ puzzles by himself the other day. He's getting better with his colours, though drawings are rare he CAN do really well - he traced around his name last week with minimal help. He's also so sweet & caring it hurts. He often says things like "I love you so much mummy. We love our chothers (each other!) don't we mummy" but is still such a BOY. It's like he read the how to be a boy manual. At his preschool sports day he won all of his races. Ok he came second in one but then he ran it again until he came first!!!

David has been amazingly supportive while I'm having a hard time. He's also managing to cope really well with the inevitable emotional fallout. We had a lovely family holiday in the middle of June and it was so wonderful to get to spend time with him. I do miss him so much sometimes when he's at work; surely a good sign after 7 years of marriage and almost 11 years together. Goodness hasn't the time flown!

After we came back from our holiday we brought a little kitten home - Chewy - who is absolutely adorable & so cuddly. His birthday is 3 days after Logan's :) he's been a great source of happiness already & tolerates Logan picking him up by random body parts so well!

I've managed to do quite a bit of work on the garden this year, despite the torrential rain & plague of slugs. Mum & David have done the heavy stuff but my veg patch is doing well & there are plenty of pretty flowers. In fact it's looking rather well established. I've not had the emotional energy to be inspired & get making things but am hoping this will pick up. I have managed to do some research into my family tree though and am hoping to carry on with this & do a little "family history" book for us all. Ok probably an e-book but that's not a bad thing!

I've made lots of new friends since Lyra started school and I really feel I have a good place I the community. I've done a lot for Logan's preschool as the chair of thei management committee and really hope to be able to help a bit in Lyra's class next year (work allowing - we shall see what happens with that soon enough) I really feel good if I'm helping out. It's good to know that I'm considered a good, reliable and responsible person even though I'm not so worried any more about what people think of me if I'm being me. If I have an off day I worry though!!!

Anyway it's late and I need to sleep. TTFN & I hope it's not so long next time.

This too will pass...

Time is a strange thing isn't it, flying by st a crazy speed but at the same time seeming to drag... Children are the very essence of this; their lives made up of fleeting moments that pass far too fast as they grow and change so quickly. My little princess is 5-years-old and blossoming at school. She is soon to be moving up a group in her ballet lessons, will read and write surprisingly difficult words, draws beautiful pictures and holds amazing debates with us. Always a one for encouraging questions I love it when she reasons her way through an argument. It may not make it easy for me but I'm proud fit to bursting! And my baby boy? There's no baby in this house any more and hasn't been for some time now! Turning 3 in just over 2 weeks he holds proper conversations with us now, has the confidence to ask for what he wants in shops and will more often than not take himself to the toilet without any assistance. He loves his cuddles and plays and dances and sings all the time... A bundle of cuddles and movement and enthusiasm. My darling son! They are both so full of life and newness that I am simultaneously full of joy at their thriving and growing and grieving for those lost moments; they will never come again. In life there is no going back, not really. We all change over time and what has been passes into memory, some more clear than others. Neither the good nor the bad can last forever so I try to cherish the moment and make the most of what we have. It has been a tough couple of years and I've grown and changed a lot myself. I'm now so much happier being myself and don't try to be anyone else as that frankly won't make me happy. I've become more honest; I've always been truthful but I'm more likely to get issues out in the open now rather than ignoring them. I know I've helped a lot of people and given a lot of myself. I have achieved a lot and upset one or two people along the way too. I have lived. Who knows what tomorrow will bring; embrace happiness where you can find it because you'll never have this moment again.... Xxxxxxxxx

Nobody said it would be easy....

... though I had hoped this year might be easiER at least... So far it has been rather stressful with my little lady developing some issues that have started to really affect us all. She's perfectly healthy but is completely and totally obsessed with washing her hands and won't touch something that somebody else has touched. She won't even hold hands with her friends at school any more and will refuse a biscuit or similar if she things somebody else might have touched it. She sometimes won't even cuddle me and will keep her hands firmly tucked into her sleeves if I try to hold her hand *sigh* so difficult for me in particular because it seems to be partly directed at me. I'm talking to her school and will be taking her along to the GP as soon as I've discussed it properly with her teacher & the school support adviser to try and nip it in the bud so it doesn't become a full-blown behavioural problem. We shall see how it goes!

It does make me feel really guilty as if it must be my fault; though I don't see how. Perhaps it could be some all-knowing deity being vengeful because I've had a falling out with a rather religious friend recently?!! I seriously doubt that somehow. While we're on that matter I feel the need for a bit of a rant; this falling-apart of a decade long friendship has not been kind to me emotionally either, but it just had to be done. I refuse to be preached to or looked down upon by anybody; I am no better or worse than anybody who regularly attends church and am a strong believer that it is the way you treat others and lead your life in general that count in this world rather than your level of religious fervour. Everybody is entitled to their own beliefs and I'm not going to put up with anybody saying that I will be punished by some fire and brimstone God because I believe differently from them & say so...

I work in a hospital and am good at my job, I volunteer as chair of a preschool committee to help out (though I didn't particularly want to) which is rather stressful and time consuming and involves a LOT of work and I will always be there for my friends; having been told I have saved more than one person's sanity/ welfare with late-night discussions and rescue missions over the issues troubling them. I am not a bad person. OK I may be a slightly blunt  person but that is more due to my honesty than anything bad and I am careful not to say things that may be taken too close to heart or may imply somebody is, for example, a bad parent ; that's just not good form. I don't like the whole "ignore an issue until it goes away" attitude and this is, I fear, the heart of the matter. I couldn't bear the fact that I was just being ignored without response  just because I have said something that needed to be said so ended up removing the person in question from Facebook, which has stopped a certain amount of the bad feeling and was rather a relief. There is no point harbouring resentments after all, people change and sometimes they change too much and you have to let them go.... it is a shame though isn't it.

So onwards and upwards! there really is no point in dwelling on your problems is there; now to address the problems with Lyra as well as we can and to accept that there are some things you really can't do anything about, namely other people!!!! Watch this video, it certainly puts my problems and importance into perspective....

Goodbye 2011

It's been a particularly difficult year... Of course life is never easy and the good almost balanced out the bad so there must have been a LOT of good. I have to say, though, that I'm glad it's 2012 and I can feel I will be starting anew. The chocolate content of my diet aside, there is no point in full-on dieting until the stash is significantly reduced.

Happy new year!

Logan's birthday photos - finally!

The day before he hit the big "1" he had a little party with two baby friends....




He had lots of presents on the day itself but my car-mad boy was most interested in the cars Grandad Rob had sellotaped to one of them :0)


He did a good job of unwrapping them when he realised that there might be more cars in them!


Maracas don't quite fit in even Daddy's mouth...


It's very tiring being 12-months old...


Mummy almost forgot about this present, which came out after dinner when I remembered!

A first birthday, Easter, Sharing a room and other big adventures

Oh dear, it's almost been a month since I last blogged. We've been rather busy and exciting grown-up things have been happening with my little ones.

Of course the big event was Logan's first birthday. My little monkey had a little party with a couple of friends over the day before and a nice family day of presents and cake and cuddles and playtime on the big day itself. He is getting much better at opening presents now he's had some practise and ripped the wrapping paper off happily. His favourite presents by far were his cars - my little boy is a definite fan of cars! The Brio train set will be a lasting present though and Lyra enjoys playing with it too. The cake went down very well and I was quite happy with how it turned out. I will have to find other excuses for making & decorating cakes after David's birthday on Saturday has passed... Really hoping I get a chance to decorate his cake on friday!

Last weekend was Easter, which is always a big family thing with us. In a change to our usual tradition we went to spend the saturday and sunday at my parents' house with my sisters and Genni's boyfriend Simon. It was a lovely relaxed affair with lots of yummy food and chocolate, an Easter Egg hunt and even a board game on Saturday evening! Lyra and Logan adore my family so it was great fun and I even had a little time to rest myself :0) I really miss my sisters now they have both moved away and am very glad we are so close that we all make an effort to keep in close touch.

I took the weekend off from my diet but have been back to it for the past couple of days so hoping damage limitation will mean my hard work isn't all undone!!! I have now lost over 2 stone and weigh the same as I did at 17/18. I aim to lose another stone by the summer so fingers crossed I can keep up the motivation.....

Another couple of very recent steps forward involve bedtime - Logan spent last night sharing Lyra's bedroom for the first time and Lyra finally agreed to say goodbye to her dummy over the past few days! Sleep wise it went fine, Logan woke twice but Lyra slept through it and he settled back down again. In fact it was the first night in a while that he hasn't come into our bed until morning (6am!). A bit of a nuisance for me to go in there when he wakes as it's more effort but it does mean I have to get up and of course I will continue to be the only one that gets up in the night for him... but then it does mean I wake up so I don't wake in the morning to find he's appeared in bed with us and I have sleep amnesia! Lyra has relinquished her dummy in exchange for a Princess Giselle (Disney's Enchanted) wedding dress in her size. She was shown the dress and given the choice - dummy or dress - & chose the dress as she has lusted after it for weeks and weeks. To be honest she's not had her dummy for a few nights recently so was more receptive but I'm thrilled as I HATE dummies. She only had it from age 2 because we had a couple of "just in case" dummies we were getting ready for Logan's birth and David said she could "look after them for the baby". Yeah right, big mistake; she's been addicted ever since!! Never mind, it's gone now & I'm very happy.

I'm now officially on sick leave from work due to my continuing pelvic problems. These are being investigated further this month so I may even get a proper diagnosis & prognosis so I can make some work-type decisions. I've made 2 pieces for my Etsy shop and will put pictures of another on there to demonstrate a customisable project.... will be useful for Christmas money!

David is making an aluminium E111 blaster piece by piece and is continually upgrading his stormtrooper armour. He's 33 this weekend and I've hardly bought him any presents as he's been a bit awkward about letting me know what he wants until this week. i'm trying to make him something too but that's not progressing well because he's always there when I get a chance to crochet!

OK, I think I will do separate photo update posts because they are always a faff with text. I think I'm going to have to set up my own website soon and possibly have a little shop on there too...... save Etsy fees!