Happy SUNNY days...

Good evening & I hope you've had a lovely day? I'm sitting down taking the opportunity to update here after a really lovely day. My best friend from Uni Isa (aka Liz to anyone else!), her husband Tom & gorgeous little boy of just over 2 Jack popped by en route from their home "up North" to Padstow where they will be having a couple of weeks holiday. It's been over a year since we've seen them as they used to live in Bristol but moved to lancashire last July & oh how I've missed her! The weather seemed to reflect my happiness at seeing them and after a brief and violent shower in the morning stayed sunny, bright and breezy all afternoon. Lyra and Jack had a lovely time playing in the park, running up and down the grassy slopes and kicking Lyra's Peppa Pig ball, holding hands, rolling and tumbling down the hill, jumping, swinging, laughing - glowing with the exuberant happiness of little children that is just so achingly irreplaceable... It was fantastic to have a catch up & a hug with my lovely Isa, but far too brief after such a long time apart. I really feel we must make more effort to meet up regularly, really must.

David had an interview this afternoon but unfortunately didn't get the job despite working very hard ont he presentation required. They said other candidates had a stronger statistical background, which I really feel isn't fair as they shouldn't have offered an interview if they didnt' think he had enough experience in a key area... so the job hunt continues, it's definitely Time For A Change as he will have been in this job, with only theinflation payrise everyone receives each year, for 5 years this November. They haven't even given him the payrise & review they promised after 6 months, very naughty, & have just taken away his flexible working hours due to "changes in the business structure" Bullsh*t! the only flexibility they gave him was that he had to make up his hours & had to be in between 10am & 3pm every day. minimal flexibility in my opinion.. I'm starting to get a pang of fear every time I think of going back to work in February... 6 1/2 months... it isn't really that long and I don't want to be away from my babies now there are two of them to miss.

We've had a great week really; on Saturday we went to the Maypole Inn for a big joint birthday party for the group of mummies & toddlers we know (& several we don't know so well) which was fantastic & we even had nice weather & no rain until the afternoon. What a lovely idea, the lovely Jo H initiated it, Jo L runs the pub & organised it & Elaine baked a fab cake - there was a little bouncy castle, a pinata, ice cream, pass the parcel & presents & lots of children (though Lyra played with daddy mostly, she loves him best of all) - perfect & wonderful to see everyone as we all seem to have separated now. Tuesday over to visit Tina & Tom & Lily in their lovely new house, playgroup & library yeaterday & friendss over until late today... can't remember what we did monday (park & baking I think). I must make sure I keep us busy over the next few weeks, must make sure I phone people & arrange things. The problem is I'm not at all as confident as people think & unless I'm in the right mood I'll think people won't want me bugging them to meet up... isn't that silly from a grown woman?! I was discussing it with Isa today, how I often get left to my own devices because I don't come across as needing looking after, even immediately postnatally I've been left to it by family both times. Thank goodness I've been OK this time as PND was a very bad place to be after Lyra's traumatic birth and I don't want to go there again..... must try harder!

In order to not finish on a melancholy note - We started Logan on "solids" (i.e. mush) a week ago and he's loving his proper food!! We waited until her was 18 weeks old and though I really wanted to wait longer it just wan't possible with our hungry boy - he wasn't happy and was constantly hungry, what was I meant to do?!

Isa is on the way to becoming a professional photographer & has taken some fabulous shots of my family today but in the meantime here's some pics by me....

Both of my gorgeous little ones all dressed up.....

Logan's first taste of food.....

Lyra's first picture of a "man" with body & limbs....

Lyra & Jack.....

I've been absent from blog-land for this week because the plague descentded upon our house this week - that's right, Logan demonstrated his generous and sharing nature by sharing his sickness bug with us. I started puking on monday evening, david during the night & Lyra first thing int he morning. Looking after 2 children & a sick husband when unwell yourself is NOT fun I can tell you! I'm pretty certainit's NOT been swine flu because none of us had a fever & it passed so quickly... We're all mostly better now but have felt really achey and washed out ove the past couple of days. David had it worst as he has such a delicate tummy, I felt the most drained though due to breastfeeding and looking after everyone else.... all fun and games!!!

Yesterday my mum & lovely sisters came to entertain Lyra for us, whcih was great. Did somehow mean more housework though as David and I are a lot more strict about tidying up after Lyra has been playing with things so by bedtime Lyra's room was a real state and took a while to tidy. It DID mean that we didn't have to put up with Lyra's constant demands and leaping all over us though and we were able to do things like change the bedding and do laundry, which we weren't at all up to earlier int he week. After mum and Daniella had gone and Lyra and Logan were in bed I also got to have a lovely long chat with Genni, something that's always nicest face to face isnt' it...

Off to make a nice cup of tea now while Lyra watches Balamory and Logan has a nap!

Poor poorly boy...

Logan has spent half of the day projectile vomiting, poor little lamb, so we haven't gone out today, he's just settled down in bed & I think David & Lyra are both asleep in Lyra's room too!!! He really hasn't been himself & all grizzly instead of chatty and smiley - though he had continued chatting a reasonable amount it hasn't been constant like it usually is. he blows raspberries a LOT at the moment though so guess I may have missed some "chat" because it's replaced by that! I'm feeling a bit better now, partly because I've been a bit busier I think....

Wednesday evening I ordered some more yarn from ebay - I really do need it as I don't have the colours I want to start work on a nice big crochet blanket & I needed to order some special yarn for a "cloak" (poncho really but she says cloak) for Lyra. pretty sparkly Rowan "romance" chunky yarn in pretty shades of pink & purple, 26% mohair it is then... about 75% complete already!. On thursday mum, Genni & Daniella came over en route to the station so we looked through G&D's Japan pictures then went on to the park. On friday it was the playgroup trip to the fun farm & OMG it was the wettest day in aaages! Lyra had a fab time anyway and totally loved the indoor play area, sharing nicely too. She wasn't so sure about feeding the lambs though as they were very big & boistrous & the one we were feeding almost knocked the bottle out of my hand & somehow managed to scratch my knuckle... yesterday I baked millionaires shortbread & did laundry while david prepared for an interview he has on 30th July!!!! It's in town so much closer, keep fingers crossed please! xx

PS Lyra hasn't had an accident for 11 days now & only that one in over 2 weeks, we're soo proud of her!

Nothing really exciting to say today -

Yesterday we went shoping then headed off to the park and Lyra climbed and ran and slid and balanced happily... she walked all around the top[ of the high wall in the basketball court with me walking next to her while Logan slept in the buggy. On the way home we picked some ripe plums from the plum tree we pass, Lyra loved them and I will hopefully take her to get some more tomorrow (and take a pic) as there's nothing quite like fresh from the tree/plant fruit is there. My tomatoes (all 8 plants have tiny green fruit!) and potatoes are doing fantastically - I may even have some decent carrots this year too. No flowers ont he butternut squash yet but there's still time, slugs have killed my runner beans but never mind.... I really wish I could have a huge garden with space for plenty of vegetables rather than the few I have!

I was very brave at playgroup this morning (LOL! how daft does that sound!) and asked another mother "please could you not swear in front of the children" (she had said f***ing 3 times by this point, at snack time with all the children together around her). She turned around and had a go at ME for daring to confront her, saying "I wasn't even talking to you, I can talk to you in a minute if you want. you saw I covered my mouth after" well yes you did, and then you said it again. foolish woman with your bottle blonde hair, bad tattoo and son of 4 with a pierced ear!

She and her similarly chavvy friend then sat sniggering and bitching about me in the corner - how childish! I am NOT going to sit and alow my daughter, who was behaving beautifully and eating her snack so nicely I wasn't about to take her to another table, to be exposed to foul language simply becuase this woman didn't have enough brains to us other words to express herself. They had previously been muttering together & smirking about the fact I was wearing logan in a sling (lovely ring sling made by mum) "Would you ever wear one of them" "no"*sneer smink sneer* "me neither. I understand the idea though, to save your arms...." kind of got it there, A* for effort though if you'd ever worn one you might really understand why I love it so.

My lovely friend Vicky cheered me up by just generally chatting & saying how lovely & happy Logan looked in the sling. And agreeing with the general opinion I expressed about "those women" too! I did feel rather on edge and shakey for a while afterwards, I do so hate confrontation and they were scary women!

When we got home we had lunch and then made some oaty bath bags, Logan had some funny tummy time...

(sweet isn't it! he likes to be able to see, which he can't so well during floor tummy time) did some dancing, watched monsters inc... & I was very impressed with Lyra's reflection of my opinion of what should & should not be said when one character called another "stupid".... Lyra "we don't say stupid, naughty monsters inc" well hear hear little lady, I totally agree!

Lyra is still doing incredibly well toilet training and it has now been an entire week since she has had an accident - & she's only had one accident since day 3 of toilet training! I'm now backing off a bit and letting her decide when she needs to "go" except for just before we go out & if she's busy doing things as she's more likely to forget then. So very proud of her! Logan is now settling himself to sleep alone in hiis cot every night after his bath/massage/milk routine I kiss him and put him in his cot - he doesn't even grumble as long as he hasn't got any trapped wind and isn't still hungry!

I really, really need to get some organisation going in this house, wish I had the time! I've been feeling a bit down lately, I'm pretty certain due to my coil, and the general chaos in the house doesn't help this. I've felt a bit better today and yesterday though I have ordered some more yarn from ebay (pretty sparkly Rowan yarn that was on sale - on SALE!) and am worried my stash is becoming too huge!! I intend to crochet a bag from the yarn I have to keep the yarn I will doubtless get before too long... Making things is so lovely & therapeutic I'm so glad I have discovered this glorious set of hobbies!

more babies!

My cousin Tony and his wife Catherine had a baby boy last night - Alexander Charles - who arrived 7.13pm weighing 8lb 7oz. what a respectable time of day to be born! both of my children were awkward arriving at 11.06pm (Lyra - followed by PPH & emergency trip to theatre so was up ALL night) & 2.52am (also followed by a PPH and stitches so no sleep all night then either.)
I must confess to being rather broody for another baby with allt hese babies (my lovely friend Tina has just announced she's expecting too), Logan is such a wonderful smiley, easygoing child that I would love another one - well 2 as would have to be even number. However NO SPACE is all I can really say to that so until we have at least 3 bedrooms, ideally 4, it's not an option. I think that next time(!) I want both Lyra & Logan to be in school so I can have some chillout time with the littlest, Lyra has been particularly time consuming & I constantly worry Logan is missing out.

I've actually been feeling a bit down today, I think it's a combination of several things - I'm a bit hormonal from having the merina (progesterone) coil fitted 2 weeks ago, my pelvis is hurting (my PGP & SPD from pregnancy flared up due to hormones, lots of walking & climbing at kids activity centre over weekend) & I'm just recovering from a cold. I think I should get my wii fit out & do some exercise to try to boost my endorphin levels tonight. I suffered from severe PND after Lyra was born - for over a year I was totally out of it really - so am determined not to get stuck in a rut this time. I'm very lucky to have lovely friends that care about me but I find it really difficult to ask for help. Don't worry I'm not depressed, just kind of hormonal & a little low for no real reason! i may crochet lots of little flowers tonight as a form of therapy.

Logan is currently settling himself off to sleep upstairs - in fact think he IS asleep now - while Lyra demands daddy's presence until she drops off. I don't know if it's our treatment of her when she was small or her personality or both that have caused this problem for us but ARGH!!! Oh well one day she will be good I'm sure! It's weird being able to leave my baby to go to sleep by himself at night after Lyra who screamed until she was hysterical if i tried. During the day he usually wants booby or cuddles to drop off but since I LOVE giving him both that's fine, I'm still babywearing a lot & loving carrying him, though he's in a 6-12 month sleepsuit tonight for the second night in a row so getting quite big it's not really a problem at all. I have been known to carry Lyra at the same time!

"my daddy is a stormtrooper..."

Well Lyra & Logan's daddy would dearly love to be anyway! over the past 2 days David has been lusting after stormtrooper outfits, especially as there is someone who lives near to us that actually makes them.. At first David said they were £450 so I said if they were that much I'd pay half as his Christmas present... turns out it was actually £800 & there's no way he's justified in spending that much on a fancy dress costume! (albeit a very cool, realistic one)

Coralie..

Today would have been my older sister Coralie's 30th birthday if she hadn'tl eft us at the age of 6 following a long battle with brutal kidney cancer, which spread to her lungs. despite chemotherapy, radiotherapy and surgery which eventually made her a shadow of her former self physically my sister was still a sweet little girl with a wicked giggle. still Coralie. Stupid cancer. I can't help thinking that she should be here - today should have been the start of a big party weekend for her and the family she might have had.. I should have been able to make her a cake. I should have organised a party along with her friends/husband(?) to surprise her with - Logan and Lyra would have made a special card for her with their hand and footprints in bright-coloured paint... I can't help thinking what she would have thought of them and how they would have loved her. Would they have had cousins who were her children? My family should not have had to carry this grief with us for the past 23 1/2 years.
Our experiences shape our lives and our selves. I was so young when this tragedy happened that I am very much marked by it, if she had lived I wonder what I would have been like. I am so happy in my life right now with my children and my wonderful David, would my life have followed a similar path? Would I walk past the man who is my husband in ths life without knowing him because my life had followed a different course? I couldn't wish my life was different now. Inside there will always be a small part of the little girl whose wish when she blew out the candles on her cake every birthday or if she saw a shooting star was "I wish Coralie had not died". Even as a child I knew this was impossible, if you believe in fairies clap your hands.... I desperately wanted there to be some magic that could undo the past. Now her ashes rest n a box in my parents bedroom, they can't really let their little girl go after all of these years. You never get over grief, you just get used to it.
Happy birthday Coralie. I hope and pray that you are happy where you are now. Even if there isn't a heaven and this life is all that we have you will always live and be very much loved in my heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Logan had his second immunisations yesterday & I was relieved that he reacted a bit less hysterically than for his first jabs - of course he cried but then calmed down again rather than screaming for 10 minutes! David had stayed home so that I could concentrate on just Logan so we went swimming in the morning - Logan's first time. It was a bit too chilly really so Logan couldn't properly enjoy it but he didn't mind it. Tuesday mornings are baby splashabout sessions so that's a handy thing to know! Lyra stilkl dong really well with ehr swimming, we're so proud of her at the moment (just wish she would settle to sleep better at night!)
Lyra has been doing fantastically with her toilet training & has had 5 days in a row now with no accidents whatsoever. Of course we're still having to remind her regularly but she also asks for teh potty/toilet when she needs a wee so I'm really hoping accidents are few and far between now...
I'm in the process of making a crocheted Zombie for Genni as as graduation present (braaaains) & am hoping that I'll be able to make Daniella a pachycaphalosaurus for completing her A level & (hopefully!) getting into UCL to study Paleobiology.... I've only just got into crochet & I made a mushroom before this so perhaps slightlyambitious, we shall see though since the zombie is going well!

potty training update...

Well what can I say, Lyra has amazed us all. On wednesday & thursday (days 2 & 3) we had accident after accident & I became pretty disheartened about the whole toilet training thing... then on friday she agreed to use the potty in the park (!) for both a wee and a poo, loved my reaction & was so proud of herself that there were no accidents that day... & in the afternoon when David came home we heard the toilet flush upstairs. Lyra had been for a wee on the toilet & flushed without any prompting! well to cut a long story short we've not had an "accident" since thursday & she has usually been willing to sit on both potty & toilet. She's pretty well aware of when she needs to go & can hold it for ags. She is more resistant when we suggest going unless she fancies doing it for the novelty but we're getting tthere & I;m so proud!

finally have a washing machine...

Our poor new washing machine has done 6 loads of washing today & think there are aout 4 more left to do! thank goodness it's such lovely weather so it can dry without needing to use the dryer!
Potty training day 2 & we're on our 4th pair of knickers & only 1 proper wee in the potty, however Lyra IS wearing knickers & is keen to sit on the potty now so that's a start. She so rebellious that she won't sit & "perform" when i aske her to & ends up holding it until she's bursting!
It's so hot Logan & I just had a shower to cool off as he's been pretty hot & irritable today. teaching myself to crochet granny squares & may make a cool cotton blanket in that style for this sort of weather.....